Monsters everywhere, those scary long nails, ferocious red eyes, I was very sure all they wanted to was to constantly harm me. My only escape route from those was to hide behind the fairy goddess who always flashed a bright smile and slashed her long black sword to drive away those monsters in no time.
Well, childhood and its fantasies confines to no logical explanation, be it a dream or the imaginary monsters which terrified me, they always drove me to hide behind my mom. Surprisingly she never required me to explain a word to her about my distress and it hardly took a minute for me to get back to the cheerful self as she flashed her beautiful smile, held her neatly braided jet black plait and slashed around saying “Go away you monsters don’t ever bother my angel”.
All these memories started gushing years later, as I sat beside the window staring at nothing, caressing all those wounds caused by never ending infusion of hormones, I could only think how those imaginary monsters were much less scarier than the events and situations of today. I had started falling apart, although we had everything around us but the one thing which left me incomplete was the very report which was right in front of me which turned my life upside down. The hopeless, helpless, feeling that crept had started growing deep in me, when doctors told that there was nothing wrong with us but yet I cannot be mother for no reason. People around kept prying in my life, hopes that peeped with every hormone injection died terribly with every failed test, the emotional torment doubled with every unwanted comment people made. Trust me it’s impossible to explain what a woman battling infertility faces day in and day out in Indian society.
I tried my best to hide my agony which did mostly go unnoticed amongst many but with my fairy goddess it failed as always. One day out of the blue my mom called me when I was at work and requested me to come along with her on a shopping outing. Although I had no inclination to shop or participate in her shopping there I was driving my car with her speaking endlessly about every possible things on earth. As I was about to take the road to the shopping mall she requested if I could make a short detour to meet her friend, I knew I had no option and I followed her instruction. Event that followed this little detour pulled me from the dark depression instantly into the beauty of life…
There I was at an orphanage of her friend Meera. Impressed by the liveliness of the kids and the environment, I was forced to ask Meera about her motivation, laughing it off all she told was there are so many people who really crave for somebody to love, care and protect them but we somehow neglect it totally and only concentrate on people we care about, break the barrier love yourself for all that you are and spread the immense love in you to people who really deserve. And there was my prescription for depression.
As my mom continued catching up with her friend, I silently moved behind my mom, hugging her and caressing her neatly braided plait, I smiled thinking how simple it is for my first expert to help me in any situation.
As she got into car all I could utter was "Thank you mom you are my first expert" and as usual she flashed her beautiful smile held her neatly braided jet black plait, slashing it she said "You monsters here I am back with my expert long black sword, go away you monsters don’t ever bother my angel”.
Dedicated to all the couples battling infertility…
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